You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
