Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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