remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
