I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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