I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
