a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
