dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
