I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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