i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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