well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
