So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
