when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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