So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
