i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
