if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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