did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it's like iHOP with fire
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
