I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
