he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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