I want to have your abortion
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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