So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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