My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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