I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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