You really coming over, don't trick.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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