I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize