I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
