You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
