I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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