I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
