So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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