I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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