He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
do herpes really smell.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
