somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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