I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined the universe
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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