Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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