I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
