Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
