take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
