She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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