Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
