Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
