I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
