she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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