your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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