Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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