The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
