We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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