woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
