Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
