He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
