Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
