wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
