i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
