UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
