okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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