is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm passing your future prison.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
