You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
