I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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