No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
