Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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