did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
