It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
