hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
how does that bad decision feel?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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