I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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