she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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