God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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