It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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