Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
