i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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