I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
