I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
