Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
