I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This baby is an asshole
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
