First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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