Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
only if we run a train.
done.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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